One day, while Lola was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Jack said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

Posted by linkz at 11:17 AM | Permalink | Comments

Bob looks out the window & sees Jack standing out in his field. He tells his wife Lola, that he is really worried about Jack. The next day he looks out his window and sees Jack still standing out in his field. He says Lola, Jack has lost his mind and I need to go help him! He walks over to Jack, and says "what the hell are you doing Jack". Jack says "I'm trying to win the Nobel Prize". Bob says "how do you plan to do that". Jack says "I saw a show on TV and it said if you wanted to win the Nobel Prize that I had to out-standing- in my field".

Posted by linkz at 11:45 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack, drunk as usual, stumbles into a baptistmal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He walked down into the water an stood next to the preacher.

The minister turns and notices drunken Jack and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

Jack replies, "Yesh, Your Honor, I sure am!"

Then minister dunks Jack under the water and pulls him right back up.” Have you found Jesus?" he asked.

"Nooo, Your Highness, I sure didnt!" Jack said. Then preacher dunks him under for a little bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

Jack shouted "Noooo, Your Majesty, I sure didnt!"

Disgusted, preacher holds Jack under for at least 45 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My good man, have you found Jesus YET?"

Jack wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Posted by linkz at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack and Bob were talking one afternoon, and Jack tells Bob, "You know, I think I'm ready for a little vacation. But this year I want to do something different.

The last few years, I took your suggestions about where to go. Three years ago you said I should go to Hawaii, an' I did an' Lola got pregnant.

The next year you said to go to the Bahamas. Lola got pregnant again. And last year you told me to go to Tahiti. Sure enough, Lola got
pregnant again.

This year I want to go someplace cheaper so I can bring her with me!"

Posted by linkz at 5:30 PM | Permalink | Comments

Lola went to the local newspaper and said she wanted to put in the Obituary Column that Jack died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word. She said, "Here's $2.00 - put in there that JACK DIED. They said, Lola, surely you want more than that." She said, Mais, no, just Jack died. The editor said, "Well, you're a little upset. Bring yourself back tomorrow and you will probably think of something else. She came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I tought of something else, "HOUSE FOR SALE".

Posted by linkz at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack was walking down the road one day and spotted Bob walking towards him carrying a sack over his shoulder. When they met up on the road, Jack asks Bob " What you got in the sack?" Bob replies "I got me some chickens in this sack." Jack then says to Bob , "If I guess how many chickens are in the sack, can I have one?" Bob , the polite man that he is, kindly says,"If you can guess how many chickens I have in this sack, I'll give you both of them!!!!!!!"

Posted by linkz at 7:48 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack, in his eighties, got up one morning, and was putting on his coat, when his wife Lola said, "Jack, where you go?" The elderly Jack replied, "Lola, I'm gonna go to da doctor, me."

Surprised his wife asked "Why, are you sick?" "No," Jack said, "I'm gonna get me some of dem new Viagra pills."

With that, Jack's equally elderly wife got up out of her rocker and started putting on her sweater.

Surprised, Jack asked, "Now, where you goin?"

"Me, I'm goin to the doctor, too".

"Why?"

She said, matter-of-factly, "If you're going to start using that rusty, old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Posted by linkz at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack and Bob were driving on the highway, on their way to go bear hunting. They come upon this fork in the road, where there was a sign that said " BEAR LEFT". They turned around and went home.

Posted by linkz at 6:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments,Jack and his wife Lola decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Jack held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Lola began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Lola sat there - speechless. He looked over at Jack who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Jack, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Jack scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

Posted by linkz at 5:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough." She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

Posted by linkz at 3:28 PM | Permalink | Comments

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Posted by linkz at 3:28 PM | Permalink | Comments

Bob and Ivan are visiting Jack in New York, strolling down the street when they see a plane hitting one of the Twins.

Ivan:"Look,Bob , they're making a movie!"

A few minutes later the other one hits, and Bob hits Ivan on the head. "You dummy, they're making a TV- series!!"

Posted by linkz at 2:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

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Posted by linkz at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack is walking down the street, just out of the hospital after having his right arm amputated. He’s depressed to the point of desperation, crying, talking to himself, thinking about suicide. He can’t bear the thought of life without his arm. Suddenly he sees Bob walking towards him, skipping and smiling. When he gets closer, Jack sees that Bobis actually laughing out loud. What is most amazing to Jack is that Bob is carrying on like this despite the fact that not just one, but both of his arms have been amputated.
So Jack stops Bob, who continues to snicker and smile. Jack says, "Bob, I don’t understand you. I’m desperate, I’m even thinking about killing myself, all because I’ve had one arm amputated. You've had both your arms cut off and here you are smiling and laughing like an idiot. In your condition, how can you be so happy?"
Bob replies, "Jack, if you’d had both of your arms cut off, like I did, and your ass was itching like crazy, you’d be laughing too"

Posted by linkz at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

Lola asks Jack: “Jack, what is a ‘situation’?” Jack: “Well, that’s when you come back from work and you find me in bed with the neighbor’s wife, that is a situation.” Lola: “I see. So when you come back from work and you find me with the neighbor, that’s also a situation?” Jack: “No, woman, now you are mixing ‘situation’ with ‘beating up’.”

Posted by linkz at 12:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

Bob sits at the bar and orders a beer from the bartender Ivan. “There you go,” says Ivan, “that will be 10 cents.” Bob, surprised: “10 cents!!! OK, then give me a Jack Daniels.” Ivan: “Jack is a little expensive: 30 cents, please.” Bob, surprised even more: “30 cents!!! Where is the owner of this establishment?” Ivan: “Upstairs, with my wife.” Bob: “What is he doing with your wife, man?” Ivan: “The same thing I am doing with his business.”

Posted by linkz at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack is relaxing in a sauna in Russia. A cell phone goes off. Jack sees a Russian reach beneath his towel, get the cell phone and talk about important business. The same happens, seemingly, with every other Russian in the sauna: everyone seems to have a cell phone and some important business to run. After a while, only Jack has not had a phone conversation, and the Russians begin to look at him suspiciously. Jack, uneasy about being perceived as an outsider, excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. There, he stuffs his butt with toilet paper. Upon return to the sauna, one Russian remarks: “Sir, there seems to be some paper sticking out of your ass.” “Ah, thank you,” Jack responds, “that must be my fax!”

Posted by linkz at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments

A television production house is shooting a documentary intended for children. In this episode, they visit Jack working on his farm. “How do you start your day?” asks the reporter. Jack responds: “Well, when I get up, I drink one shot of whiskey.” “Wait a second, this is a story for children! We want you to say something that’s good for them. For example, when I get up, I read a book.”
“OK, I get it,” says Jack, “When I get up, I read a book. Then when I go to work on the farm, I read another one. Then when I get back from the work, I read two books. A little later, Bob and I go to the library and there we read five to six books. When the librarian kicks us out before closing, we go to Ivan, he owns a publishing house.”

Posted by linkz at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Comments

Lola had sex with one solider and
after the whole thing she asks:
- Have you got certificate that you are not HIV positive?
-Yes - he answers.
And Lola says:
- Well, now you can throw it away.

Posted by linkz at 11:43 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack and Lola are divorcing. They are arguing on court who should get the child.
The Judge:Lola, why do you think that you should get the child?
Lola: Well, Your Honor I was carrying it for nine months I was looking after it when it was born I am the mother I absolutuely deserved it.
The Judge: What about you, Jack? What do you think?
Jack: Your honor, when you put a coin in to the coffee machine and when the coffee gets out, whose coffee is it? The Machine's or the one who put the coin inside?

Posted by linkz at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack: Bob, have you decided which girl you gonna married ?
Bob: Look, i called them (4 girls) and ask them a simple question.. how much is 2+2 !
i ask first one
She told me : 2+2 is 3 ! I saw she is stupid so i decide to tell her to go home
Second girl told me : 2+2 ...hmmm sometimes is 3, sometimes is 5..
Oh, man... i think to myself...;maybe she is philosophyst ...so i decided to skip her .
I ask third one same question and she told me :
It will be as you sad !
Woooow, i couldn't believe it ! i was feeling great...finally..great girl
Jack: So Bob, you decides to marrie 3rd girl
Bob: NO MY FRIEND. 4th one !
Jack: Why her ?
Bob: She have biggest trits !!!

Posted by linkz at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack and Ivan decided to move out of the small town they grew up in, and
start a new life in a big city. The only problem they had was how do they
get there?! They didn’t own a car and neither did anyone else in the town.
The bus wouldn’t come by their way, and the train was a long way away
from where they were standing. Both of them grew incredibly miserable,
and thought their most wonderful plan was ruined, until- Jack came up
with an idea:

They were going to borrow Ivan’s bycicle, and while one rode the other
would walk, and they would do that all the way to the Big City.

The next day they were packed and ready to leave. It was Jack’s turn first
so Jack sat on Ivan’s bike, and started riding. Behind him Ivan strode
slowly.

Out of nowhere, a policeman Boby stopped Jack and gave him a ticket,
“You don’t have a horn; that’s $500.”

Jack smiled.

“You don’t have any brakes, that’s another $500.”

Jack kept smiling and started to giggle.

“What the Hell are you happy for?!” exclaimed the policeman Boby, “You have a
$1000 fine, and you don’t care?!”

“No, it’s not that officer! I feel bad for Ivan, he has nothing! Not even a
bike! How much will he have to pay then?! Hahahaha!”

Posted by linkz at 9:47 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack decideds to go to the grocery store and asks the clerk,
"are you lending any carrots"?
'No, come back tommorow' repleid the clerk.
Jack comes back the following day, asks if there are any carrots, and the clerk tells him ' no, come back tomorow'.
So Jack keeps on comming back to the store, every day, asking if the clerk had any carrots to lend him since Jack forgot how to grow carrots, until one day, the clerk told him,
' if you come back here one more time and annoy me agian, I'll 'pin' you up on the wall."
So Jack comes back, agian, and ask if the clerk could 'lend' him some carrots. As soon as he knew it, the clerk pinns Jack on the wall and doesnot let him down.
On the wall Jack notices a picture of George Bush,
and asks the picture,
'my George, did you ask for carrots too?'

Posted by linkz at 9:38 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack is standing on a bus terminal. He is traveling to Washington. Ivan passed by and he saw Jack. They didn't see each other for over 15 years (since school days), and they have a lot of things to talk about.

After a while Ivan asked: Did you married?
Jack: No.
Ivan: What are you waiting for my friend?
Jack: Bus.

Posted by linkz at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack is in the studio playing the quiz Millionaires. Then he doesn't know an answer and phones Bob: "Shall I do fifty-fifty or ask the audience?

Posted by linkz at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack and Lola are sitting in a caffe bar having coffie. Suddenly, an attractive, blond girl approaches Jack and kisses him.
Lola, surprised, asks Jack:
- Tell me, who is this girl?
-Well, this is my mistress. - Jack answers.
-And what is a mistress? - Lola asks a bit confused.
So Jack explains Lola that in a modern world every man has a mistress. Lola listens to him and falls silent. After some time Jack points at an attractive brinette sitting a few tables away.
-Look Lola, there is a Bob's mistress.

-Well, I must say that our mistress is much prettier. - Lola answers with pride in her voice.

Posted by linkz at 9:27 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jack finally finds a job away from the city as a woodcutter. Every day, all his colleagues cut 12-13m of wood but he only manages 2m. Then he decides to ask one of the guys how they manage to cut that many trees and he doesn't. The guy decides to demonstrate his skills and explains:
'First, you go into the forest...'
'Ok, I'm in it' replies Jack
'Then you take a chain shaw'...
'I took it', replies Jack.
'Then you turn on the machine...'
and Jack replies: 'Oh, I'm supposed to turn it on...'

Posted by linkz at 9:23 AM | Permalink | Comments

Ivan,Bob and Jack are put in solitary confinement by a judge, but he says they can each take one thing in with them. Ivan takes his wife (the judge had to agree), Bob took his phone and Jack got out his calculator, worked something out and took 3,000 cartons of cigarettes.
After the 10 years were up Ivan came out with his wife and 12 children they had, Bob announced he was now a millionaire through a business he had started over the phone, Jack came out and asked, "Anyone got a lighter?".

Posted by linkz at 7:44 PM | Permalink | Comments

Bob comes to Jack's house and rings the bell. Few seconds after that Jack's wife Lola come out.
Bob: Hi, Lola. Is Jack at home.
Lola: No, he isn't.
Bob: May I come in.
Lola: Of course, Would you like some coffee.
Bob: No, thanks, but I would really like to kiss you.
Lola: You are out of your mind. I'm married with Jack.
Bob: I know, but anyway I would really like to kiss you. So much that I'm willing to pay for it. I'll pay you 200$ if I may kiss you.
Lola is shocked, but she is already making a calculation in her mind: 200$, for one kiss. That is a lot of money, it should be enough at least for new pair of shoes.
Lola: But Bob, I'm married, Jack will kill us both.
Bob: He will never find out. It's just one kiss.
Lola: O.K., but give me money first.
Bob pays Lola for the kiss and he kisses her.
Bob: God, this was good. May I touch you too?
Lola: You are crazy. I'm married women and Jack is your friend and partner at work.
Bob: I'll give you 300$. Just for one touch. For one double touch.
Lola: O.K. But don't tell Jack about it.
Bob pays her money and touch her.
Bob: Oh, Lola, now I would like to make love with you.
Lola: No way. I'm married woman and my husband is your best friend and you're working mate. He will kill as if he finds out even for kiss.
Bob: But I'll give you 500$. So all together you will have 1000$.
Lola: Really? A 1000$. But you will love me only once.
Bob: Only once i promise.
Bob gives her the rest of the money,loves her and goes home.
Not a half of hour later Jack, Lola's husband, comes home:
Jack: Hi, Lola, how are you. Is something new.
Lola: Nothing special.
Jack: What about Bob, did he come around today?
Lola blushed: Yes, he did.
Jack: Oh, how nice of him. Did he bring my salary.

Posted by linkz at 7:14 PM | Permalink | Comments

Bob: "Jack let's play chess!"
Jack: "I can't, my wife Lola died!"
Bob: "No problem,then you can take black figures !

Posted by linkz at 6:57 PM | Permalink | Comments

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Posted by linkz at 5:34 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack in Iraq war. He is searching the village. He comes in some house and find some old lamp. He touch it and ghost came out from it! Ghost says - you gave me freedom, so I'll make one your wish become reality!
Jack - wasn't you before gave three wishes?
ghost - well, you know now is war and so on..
Jack - ok, stop this war; here is the map of Iraq, divide it fairly and stop the war
ghost - oh, no it is too big job; it goes for some politician, not ghost
Jack - well, make my Lola beautifull girl
ghost - ok
so, ghost brings Lola; than start to look at her, look at her, look at her and then says:
Jack, my friend, give me that map again!

Posted by linkz at 7:57 PM | Permalink | Comments

Bob and Jack are snipers in Irak war. So Bob is looking trough the scope and Jack says: "Jack, brother, look for a second what is my Lola doing now!" Bob turned his rifle to city and look and says:"Jack, she is with one unprofor blue helmet soldier... you know what is she doing..."
Jack:"That b... ! Hey, take mine two bullets; shot her in the head, and shot him in the ... "
Bob:"Its ok Jack, I need only one bullet for that to shot them!"

Posted by linkz at 7:47 PM | Permalink | Comments

Jack and Bob are sitting in a bar and they see Lola enter. She is wearing a very short skirt and when she sits on the bar stool, Jack and Bob are tryng to sneak a peek undeneath. They are excited by what they see: Jack:"Bob, do you see something greenish underneath there?" Bob:"Yes, Lola muct be wearing green panties." Jack:"No, I think she dyed her hair green." Bob:"Nah, they're panties." Jack:" wanna bet?" Bob:"OK, let's ask her." Bob:"Lola, me and Jack have a bet going and we really need to know, are you wearing green panties or did you dye your pubic hair green?" Lola:"Oh, it's not the panties or the hair, it's that time of the month so the lice got fatter."

Posted by linkz at 6:51 PM | Permalink | Comments

JACK
A proud afro american citizen who enjoys to be stupid.He is the main character.








LOLA
Jack' s wife or lover ,We dont know strictly couse she was a guy when Jack meets her(him).She is also frequently slow thinking, ugly, poor but good-hearted, naive, simple-minded, unsophisticated, very often a victim.






BOB
English citizen ,works like a police officer ,nick name :Boby.Jack's best friend.







IVAN
Russian citizen,works in bar like bartender ,he is big,strong,nice,slow minded but also with good heart.

Posted by linkz at 5:26 PM | Permalink | Comments